E

Ego Emotion Empathy Empowerment Enemies Engagement Enlistment Energy/Energetic Enthusiasm Entitlement Equilibrium/Balance


EGO

The lion is king of the jungle. At least, that is what he thinks. Letting him prance about does not hurt while you are loading the rifle that will bring his highness down.

Man's propensity to have an ego large than his abilities is especially prevalent in the negotiating arena. Competition rules, typically, and vying for psychological victories often overshadow the basic issues.

Diffusing ego-based battles requires insight, good people-management skills, and the willingness to self-deprecating to allow the other person to save face. When faced with an ego-driven argument, there are ways to turn the other's ego into an opportunity for you:



-Demure to his or her presumed superior grasp of the situation and ask them to explain to you their argument. You may learn their weaknesses while they pontificate over the attributes.

-Ratchet back your role in controlling the process and let the other person take the lead. They may walk out on a weak limb unknowingly.

-Concede an illusory psychological point in exchange for a monetary or other tangible asset or victory.

Egos come in all sizes. Do not neglect the need in your children or spouse for ego preservation. We all need to feel we have value and that our thoughts and feelings have been heard and considered.

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EMOTION

A gorilla jumping up and down, pounding his chest, and roaring at the top of his lungs is demonstrating his anger at your threatening his mate. Believe him!

Emotion has its place in a negotiation. Disputes are typically accompanied by anger and distrust. Even civil negotiations between landlords and tenants are adversarial. The environment is combative and secretive.

When people are angry they are emotional. When they are playing poker, they try to hide their emotions. Negotiations, then, are likely to be attended by emotional, poker-faced participants. Mediators and negotiators hoping to manage the process need to be sensitive to these mixed signals and diffuse any counter-productive anger in the room.

There are times when an emotional outburst is an effective tactic. If you are close to the most you can afford and the other person continues to press for more, you can say 'No', which is a powerful statement. Or you can get really angry and frustrated and demonstrate that you are at the end of your rope by getting emotional and noticeably agitated. The non-verbal actions will reinforce what you are saying and make you more believable.

Naturally, when the other person does this you will need to uncover whether this is a real or feigned reaction to your last demand. That is where the art> of negotiations comes in play!

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EMPATHY

Being empathetic to a injured tiger's plight is understandable provided you not let you're your guard down. Cornered and hurt, wild animals are likely to strike out without warning.

Being empathic does not mean you are soft on negotiations. The winner-take-all image belies the reality that most effective, and therefore successful, negotiators have a comprehensive assortment of tactics to deploy. Selection of the best tactic for a given situation distinguishes the excellent from the average negotiator.

Disputes involve real people with real feelings. Negotiations are always personal on some level. Empathy is a tactic to get to the feelings that may or may not have an impact on the transaction. It is a means of getting beyond basic consideration and expanding the discussion to things that may be overlooked by the average negotiator. Most important, it is a tactic to get the other person more comfortable with the settlement process.

To reach any accord, both sides need to achieve some level of comfort or trust with the other.

Develop interpersonal skills to make you an empathetic listener:

-Listen more; talk less.

-Ask probing questions.

-Develop a non-confrontational questioning style.

-Adopt supportive, relaxed body language.

-Demonstrate an interest in the other person's issues.

You can be considerate and empathetic without losing perspective. The best mediators and negotiators know that unless both sides develop a vested interest in the solution, an accord will likely remain just out of reach.

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EMPOWERMENT

Unless you are well armed and a good shot, never back a black bear into a corner. By leaving him a way out, he will likely not want to risk attacking you.

Power is an aphrodisiac. To give another power is to raise their stature, give them a sense of responsibility, to make them part of the solution. Mediators use empowerment to balance power between the parties. Opening statements traditionally include the statement, today you all have the opportunity to be equals. Anyone can end this session by simply saying so. That gives you each the equal power to control your destiny. The granting either the power to end the mediation is an intentional tactic on the part of the mediator to get each party to become involved in the dialogue and feel some responsibility for the outcome.

Empowerment is also a healthy tactic to use in family dispute resolution. Children often feel they have no say. By granting them some power you can get them vested in the solution. A great strategy offered in many books and seminars illustrates this point: when two children are squabbling over the last piece of cake is to give one the power to cut the piece in half and give the other the right to choose the first piece. This gives them both some control over the outcome.

'Do what you think is right.' is an empowerment tool used in situations where one has clear authority but is vesting some of it in the other person. Doing so typically makes theother person try hard to meet the expectations of the other. While this is typically found in the family dispute arena or in corporate structures, it can also be applied in a negotiation. If you are faced with a situation where the other person has the absolute power to do something, you can say, 'Do what you think is right, and I will see if we can live with it'. Now you have taken back a little power. You have said, he has the chance to cut the cake, but if you don't like the size of your piece, you have the right to walk away. It is a lightly veiled threat that should serve to make the other person a bit more reasonable in his final proposal.

EMPOWERMENT

Unless you are well armed and a good shot, never back a black bear into a corner. By leaving him a way out, he will likely not want to risk attacking you.

Power is an aphrodisiac. To give another power is to raise their stature, give them a sense of responsibility, to make them part of the solution. Mediators use empowerment to balance power between the parties. Opening statements traditionally include the statement, today you all have the opportunity to be equals. Anyone can end this session by simply saying so. That gives you each the equal power to control your destiny. The granting either the power to end the mediation is an intentional tactic on the part of the mediator to get each party to become involved in the dialogue and feel some responsibility for the outcome.

Empowerment is also a healthy tactic to use in family dispute resolution. Children often feel they have no say. By granting them some power you can get them vested in the solution. A great strategy offered in many books and seminars illustrates this point: when two children are squabbling over the last piece of cake is to give one the power to cut the piece in half and give the other the right to choose the first piece. This gives them both some control over the outcome.

'Do what you think is right.' is an empowerment tool used in situations where one has clear authority but is vesting some of it in the other person. Doing so typically makes theother person try hard to meet the expectations of the other. While this is typically found in the family dispute arena or in corporate structures, it can also be applied in a negotiation. If you are faced with a situation where the other person has the absolute power to do something, you can say, 'Do what you think is right, and I will see if we can live with it'. Now you have taken back a little power. You have said, he has the chance to cut the cake, but if you don't like the size of your piece, you have the right to walk away. It is a lightly veiled threat that should serve to make the other person a bit more reasonable in his final proposal.

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ENEMIES

The animal kingdom is a natural environment for enemies. Predators prey on the weaker species. Man, the most advanced of the species, is supposed to be civilized. That is why he kills for fun, for gain and for religion.

It is not always productive to view your opponent as an enemy. One makes enemies and friends through their actions. Both your enemies and friends will talk behind your back. Realize just as you seek background information on others before a meeting, they will likely do the same. If the feedback they get about you is too adverse, you may never be able to have an open, productive dialogue.

Enemies can do irreparable damage behind your back. Realize just as you seek background information on others before a meeting, they will likely do the same. If the feedback they get is too adverse, you may never get the chance to hold the meeting.
The dangers of being viewed as an Enemy:

-You may be prejudged.

-You may lose opportunities if viewed as an enemy or staunch adversary.

-You may have to overcome fear and hostility from a perfect stranger.

-It will take twice the effort to convert that enemy to be a friendly associate.
Beware of letting your prejudice block your ability to negotiate. Yes, you have to watch your enemies to see the strike coming before it hits; forewarned is forearmed. Donít let an impression of your enemy hinder communications. Through a dialogue you may find his the enemy but a potential ally.

Friends and associates are the basis of an ever expanding network. This network will be of use again and again as you seek information on another person, company or location. Having a broad-based network gives you substantial resource pool to tap. Keep the contact information up to date and, for those you call on regularly, take time to make your calls more than requests for information. Build a loose friendship around common activities, family, or any other topic you both enjoy discussing.

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ENGAGEMENT

In the jungle you can be thrust into an engagement with any number of dangerous animals or snakes when you lease expect it. Being ready to deal with the unknown is an invaluable survival asset.

Engagement is the final stage of negotiations. Or is it? Sitting down at the table and working to reach an accord may be the apex of activity. But it is not the final stage. After you reach an accord, you will need to document or otherwise record the accord, and then work to keep the agreement together while each party goes about doing what they pledged to do. Engagement is just one important step in a long process.

But the engagement phase is where the petal meets the metal. During serious and intense interaction is where negotiators make their mark. It is where mediators work their magic. And it is where you will have a chance to impact the outcome of the discussions.

The most effective way to have an impact is to implement leadership tactics to get those involved focused on making progress and coming to an agreement. Every group needs a leader. Negotiating groups are no different than dysfunctional management groups or families. Everyone has a vested interest in working together but differing goals and objectives. Left to their own devices, people will fall back on avarice and greed. But they can and should be managed in a fashion that brings them together if at all possible. Mediators and effective negotiators use basic management techniques to inspire and reinforce progress.

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ENLISTMENT

The great white hunter is well advised to enlist the active support of his guide and bearers when faced with an attack by a tribe of headhunters. Many guns tend to make a much stronger statement than one.

Enlistment is how a mediator gets parties involved in the settlement process. The mediator has a difficult role of motivating people warring with each other to try to settle the matter. By working to enlist each party to put aside their personal animosity and focus on the practical issues helps to diffuse the emotions at the table.

Involving everyone in the process insures that each person begins to vest some of their time and effort in reaching a solution. This will help when it comes time to agree to the final accord.

Getting people involved does not necessarily mean working with the other side. Initially, a mediator is likely to use break out sessions to get the parties working on solutions in private. During these sessions he will be observing the personal interactions to see who the decision maker is, who is inclined to work things out, and who is going to be recalcitrant.

Ways to enlist participation during break out sessions:

-Assign simple tasks at first such as who is to take notes, who is to get coffee for the group, who will make lunch arrangements. These non-threatening activities tell the mediator who is deferring to whom and who is eager to be involved by volunteering.

-Challenge one or more of the group to come up with a viable solution.

-Ask the other person to evaluate the proposal to make sure it is acceptable.

-Ask each person what else they have on their minds.

-Ask each person what they think is the root of the problem for the other party. They may actually or intuitively know what the really problem is even when the other party has yet to recognize it.

Ways to enlist participation during a negotiation:

-Have each person state why they are here.

-Have each party state why they think the other person is mad at them.

-Challenge one or more of the group to come up with a viable solution.

-Ask the other party to evaluate the proposal to make sure it is acceptable.

Getting people involved makes them part of the process. Once involved, one's ego makes it harder not to at least try to complete a task.

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ENERGY/ENERGETIC

Beware of a coiled rattlesnake. Coiled, the snake has an abundance of potential energy capable of being instantly released into kinetic energy when it uncoils and sinks its fangs you're your thigh.

People are inspired by energy. They respond to others who are active and involved. Set the tone of the negotiation by being invigorated and upbeat.

Get others involved by being obviously involved yourself. If you care about the situation, others will likely become more interested. Demonstrate your enthusiasm by taking charge and leading the group. Seek to set deadlines and objectives. Get others to identify their objectives and set group deadlines. Generate the energy necessary to make progress.

Ways to demonstrate energy:

-Stand and walk around the group when talking.

-Move swiftly between break out sessions.

-Lean forward in your seat when listening and focus intently on the speaker.

Managing requires effort and discipline. Managing a negotiation is doubly hard as the other people don't realize that you are the manager. You must rely on natural leadership techniques rather than corporate authority. But the process is the same.

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ENTHUSIASM

When leading the charge against the headhunters, demonstrate your enthusiasm from leading from the front, not the back of your cadre. Of course this works best if your guide is standing behind your bearers with a large gun just in case your leadership is questioned!

People are captivated by enthusiasm. It is 'catching'. They respond to others who are active and involved. You can become a leader of a negotiation simply by being enthused.

If you care about the situation, others will likely become more interested. Demonstrate your enthusiasm by taking charge and leading the group. Seek to set deadlines and objectives. Get others to identify their objectives and set group deadlines. Generate the energy necessary to make progress.

Ways to demonstrate enthusiasm:

-Graciously greet everyone as they arrive.

-Offer coffee or water and insist on getting it yourself.

-Be actively involved when listening.

-Pursue questions when the other person leaves an opening.

-Find ways to personalize the meeting. Get everyone involved in the conversation.

-Come around and sit on the other side of the table.

-Willingly suggest the group keep notes or record what is being said and offer to do so.

Managing a negotiation is doubly hard as the other people don't realize that you are the manager. You must rely on natural leadership techniques rather than corporate authority. Establish your role as manager of the process by being enthused and willing to take charge. Mediators seldom relinquish their role of presumed authority even though they seldom have any.

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ENTITLEMENT

A lion prances around the jungle as though he is entitled. Given his strength, speed and agility, he typically is. But when man invented the big game gun, that changed!

People often come to dispute settlement conferences feeling entitled. They are convinced that they are in the right; that they have been slighted. While the main issue may appear to be compensation, most often it is the bruised egos that are the hardest to resolve.

Mediators dwell in the psychological aspect of disputes to clear the way to settle the monetary issues. Too few negotiators take the time to address this aspect of human interaction adequately to have it play a significant role in their negotiations. Those who do, should find they have a slight edge.

Understanding ego and how it controls other people allows you to deploy tactics playing upon this characteristic. Deferring to an older, more experienced person allows you to solicit how they would resolve the situation. If they do, they will have just tendered a proposal. Most cannot resist the chance to prove their expertise. That is their Achilles Heal.

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EQUILIBRIUM/BALANCE

Running from a leopard and encountering a ravine with a rope bridge your equilibrium will tested; or you will be tasted!

Keeping balance is essential as a mediator. Each side will pull at him to get their points made and make the other side listen. The mediator, by definition, must remain impartial.

But when one person or side is openly arrogant and unreasonable, in break out sessions mediators will press this party to rethink what he is doing. The mediator will stress that the alternative is to have a judge hand down a decision that is binding. During the mediation, the parties have the chance to impact the outcome. In court they lose this luxury.

In a negotiation is one person is acting unreasonably, you have the opportunity to play mediator and explain to the other person that he has two choices. He can become reasonable and deal with you as a professional, or he can negotiate against himself. That is, you will walk and he will have to find someone else to lease his property to or who want to buy his product. This is a bluff unless you know he needs you. If this is the case, you must manage his attitude to bring balance to the negotiation Knowing this is part of adequate preparation.

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